Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
