My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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