you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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