How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
