we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
