I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
