I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Please don't give away my fajitas
So here I am, sexting at work.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
