ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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