Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
