I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
