I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
