They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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