I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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