if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Randomize
