Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
