I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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