The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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