I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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