her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
