so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
