I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
