no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
