Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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