girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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