His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
