can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
