I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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