I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize