i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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