i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
