I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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