woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
