I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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