I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
