Texts From Last Night

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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.

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  (508): So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs. http://tfl.nu/eq7w
  Replies (40) Good night (3757) Bad night (706)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.

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  (360): I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster. http://tfl.nu/yojg
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  (925): View more from California

  Wait, how do girls masturbate?

  (1-925): View more from California

  I dunno we use shower heads I guess.

  (925): View more from California

  ..how does it fit?

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  (925): Wait, how do girls masturbate? (1-925): I dunno we use shower heads I guess. (925): ..how does it fit? http://tfl.nu/ktf5
  Replies (85) Good night (1984) Bad night (5674)
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  (909): View more from California

  so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.

  (1-909): View more from California

  I worship thee.

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  (909): so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed. (1-909): I worship thee. http://tfl.nu/jd00
  Replies (54) Good night (8092) Bad night (1072)
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  So I fucked that hot french guy last night

  (228): View more from Mississippi

  You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.

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  (662): So I fucked that hot french guy last night (228): You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up. http://tfl.nu/pgt2
  Replies (18) Good night (929) Bad night (4448)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.

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  (859): I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat. http://tfl.nu/m2ko
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  (718): View more from New York

  it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store

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  (718): it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store http://tfl.nu/b87c
  Replies (8) Good night (4536) Bad night (770) Order T-Shirt
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it

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  (573): Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it http://tfl.nu/okq1
  Replies (5) Good night (897) Bad night (2881) Order T-Shirt
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months

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  (919): I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months http://tfl.nu/8o8f
  Replies (10) Good night (2794) Bad night (3467) Order T-Shirt
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.

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  (401): Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself. http://tfl.nu/agcx
  Replies (3) Good night (2111) Bad night (731) Order T-Shirt
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub

  (1-519): View more from Ontario

  I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.

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  (519): I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub (1-519): I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first. http://tfl.nu/l0a0
  Replies (5) Good night (1535) Bad night (702) Order T-Shirt
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.

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  (732): I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome. http://tfl.nu/4od2
  Replies (5) Good night (693) Bad night (1567)
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  (415): View more from California

  The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!

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  (415): The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco! http://tfl.nu/lulq
  Replies (5) Good night (1282) Bad night (399)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?

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  (214): Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!? http://tfl.nu/oye4
  Replies (4) Good night (662) Bad night (219)
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.

  (404): View more from Georgia

  STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!

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  (912): Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles. (404): STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!! http://tfl.nu/hvx1
  Replies (18) Good night (2726) Bad night (361)

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