Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
birth control should be required to get into college
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
17 People Who Prepared For Spring Break The Right Way
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.