It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
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yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
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It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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