I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
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If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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