no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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