My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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