I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
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That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
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