guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
