HIV tests are more positive than that guy
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
i've created a new STD.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
