I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
