You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
