she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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