he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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