yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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