Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
