I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
