You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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