My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
You smell like stripper and shame
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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