id be glad to
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
