dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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