There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
