just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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