respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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