This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
