Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
we're so committed to being not committed
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize