I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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