just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
