I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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