So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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